I recently made the decision that in order for me to survive in this world, I need to have gastric bypass surgery.  I've been overweight nearly my whole life, and for much of that time, I have been morbidly obese.

I've tried diets, I've tried exercise...but never stuck with anything long enough to make a huge impact...and over the years certain situations would cause me to keep gaining more and more weight.  For reasons that I won't go into now, I just didn't care enough.  I was ok with staying the jolly fat man because I thought nothing would actually change if I got healthy.

Over the past few years, my weight, as well as some other vices, have seriously started to negatively effect my health.  It's embarrassing to admit this, but for the most part I don't think I am physically able to lose the weight with diet/exercise anymore.  I've gotten to the point where I am so tired and fatigued...my feet are always swollen...I get short of breath too easily...the list of my health problems is growing and will only get larger unless I do something drastic soon.

Today I had my consultation with the bariatric surgeon who will be performing my gastric bypass surgery.  There is a long list of things I have to do, tests I have to have run, before I can be approved and get a confirmed date.  But I am truly ready to do the things I need to do in order to take this step towards a better, healthier life.

I realize now that things will change if I do this.  I know I will feel better about myself.  I will want to go out and do things and have fun!  I haven't really had much of that the last couple of years.  I know I have gone out with some of you friends or family members who may be reading this.  I know we've played trivia, we've sang karaoke, we've had game nights...and while I always tried to remain in a festive mood...I'm letting you know now it was all a facade.  And I am sorry.  I'm sorry because I realize now I haven't been as good of a friend as I could have been.  I've wasted so many years already...and I don't want to waste anymore.

I know I have discussed this already with some of you, but this entry is for those of you who haven't heard of my plans yet.  But this blog is mainly for me...I feel like it will help me stay focused and on track.  I'll be going on a very strict diet soon, first I have to get my blood pressure under control.  I've quit smoking, and for a period of a few months at least...I'm not going to be drinking either.  So if some of you from karaoke, or trivia, or anyone else that I see at friendly get togethers...if you don't see me for a while, that's why.  I'm not ignoring you, I'm not shutting myself off, I just really need to stay on track.  I'd still love to stay in touch and hang out whenever possible...but I know in a few months I will probably be almost a completely different person.

So this is my blog.  This is my new beginning...